Today, this Type-A-Perfectionist-Control-Freak is making a commitment to herself: Let Go and Let God. 5 years ago, I had just returned from a month spent hiding out in Costa Rica, attempting to wrap my head around the fact that my world – and heart – had been broken into a million tiny pieces. That life would never be the same, and would never unfold the way I had always dreamed it would. Every night, there was one star in the sky that shone brighter than the rest. And I couldn’t help but feel that he was smiling down on me, watching me from wherever his soul now was. And even in the darkest depths of my grief, I felt…a steadiness. But I didn’t understand, and I was in too much pain to try. 5 years later, I am finally ready to surrender and commit to the immensely painful but very foundational fact of life that was revealed to me so harshly then. I HAVE NO CONTROL. There is a bigger plan out there, a bigger power in charge. I can dream and schedule and hustle all I want, but in the end, I get absolutely zero say in how life actually unfolds. And so rather than continuing to fight so hard to control, to shape life into what I think it should be, what I think I want it to be…I am finally ready to Let Go and Let God. I know it won’t be easy. In fact, it’s going to be hard as HELL. Old habits die hard, and I’ve been strengthening my desire for control for nearly 33 years. But I also know that I’ll never be truly content in life if I don’t learn to surrender to the way things are, rather than clinging to the way I want them to be. And so every time I feel that urge to control arise, that habit of letting the perfect be the enemy of the good, that resistance to the way things ARE because they don’t align with how I wanted them to be…I will look down and see this star. And I will remember how my world was completely shattered just when I thought I was finally sitting on top. And I will remember that I am not in charge. Today, I made a permanent commitment to myself: Let Go and Let God.

via Instagram

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